trying not to care is worse than just caring or not caring.
at least those are natural.
but I'm trying really hard to change, unfortunately right now, I'm sifting though the grit that is "trying" not to care. fighting the urges to break down, or get angry. attempting to hold onto my power and not give it away, basicly changing everything I'm pretty used to doing.

loren says I'm getting better at it, and my mom agrees.
but damnit. then why do I still ... ((do) stuff (it)).

well I do know this...
I will NOT be in competition.
I AM not in competition.

"I know my place, it's time you learned yours" (mulan)
I will settle into my place, learn to trust and avoid a green complexion.

It's not about what I make anyone do.
Nor what anyone makes me do.
It's about what each person, on their own, does.
We are our own power. We do things because of ourselves.
What you do, is purely about you.
And nothing about me, even thought I'd still respond.
Yet, now, am learning how without invested emotion.
Because 'we' aren't ready.

silly posts
more positive response
no one wants to see me suffer
thank you and now for something different

i spend my time thinking a little differently
like purpose of my life
and the one of this tiny red ant on the picnic table
it's average to feel misunderstood
even if sometimes all you want is to be average

but that's why i know i've found my perfection
in encouragements to be my most self, my naked tree,
i know that what is truly loved, is who i'm trying to define
and he is surely the one who makes me believe

and i AM beginning to believe

You are CHRIS GRIFFIN! People might not think
you're the most extraordinary person out there,
but you've got a good heart and an artistic
spirit. You know what you want, but you may
have a hard time articulating it. You're a
friendly person, always trying to do their
best, but you are easily distracted by things
and have a hard time staying on topic. Unless
its talking about the evil monkey that lives in
your closet.


Which Family Guy character are you? (12 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

Thanks, Katie!!

i know you dont like country music...
but i can resist lyrics that scream how i feel
especially when it comes to you


Baby when I look at you,
You know it breaks my heart in two,
How beautiful you are

Seen you in a million dreams,
now you're finally here with me,
We will never be apart

I wanna hold you forever,
That's all I'll ever need

You are my love, you are my life,
My heart and soul the truest friend I've ever known,
You are my world, all of my dreams,
My fantasy, my reality,
I love everything you are, yes I do

Everytime I close my eyes,
Hit's me so deep inside,
How ill this feelin is,

I'm intoxicated by your touch,
It's a sweet sweet rush,
I'm in love with your kiss,

You're the one that I trust the most,
You changed me,

You are my love, you are my life,
My heart and soul the truest friend I've ever known,
You are my world, all of my dreams,
My fantasy, my reality,
I love everything you are

-jimmy wayne

hate that when i sit down i have to make sure my shirt's long enough to cover my butt. it's impossible to find jeans that accomidate pletiful hips and small waist. let's see the jeans made to fit a pear!!

saw a stuffed massacre this morning. a dozen soft cuddly souls lose their luster on the side of hwy 94. i wonder about their arrival here, this can't be there final place. if it wern't such a busy road, tight lanes and orange cones, i'd stop and save them. how terribly sad.

i'd would mow my lawn, if i had a lawn mower. i'll just invite gunner over for a much. he likes the white dandilons best. (are those the ones just about to die?) well, they're full of wishes and make for a fuzzy mouth. and doesn't mean anything to him if they only come out to be crap.

it's the best thing in the world, asking questions and getting answers you didn't expect. finding new revelations and new perspecitives you hadn't placed before. and i love to learn about people. especially that handsome man who stays with me every night... (even if i'm cranky.)

two hair cuts
one for horse
one for me
avoiding topling over
avoiding bad ends

beautiful weather
maybe green's not so bad
i like my trees naked
but this growth is inspiring, too

bordering on something bigger
on the edge of a big leap
finally your wings begin to emerge
and i quietly, anxiously, await their full span
i believe in their glory
and your moment in the sunshine of life

[post #312 . word]

dark in the dip,
sun hidden beneath the silhouettes of trees
and for once i'm content in your absence
knowing that you are your decisions
and you need, just as i

love feels misunderstood
criticized, and forced through other eyes
spending many hours in memory of your arms
and phsically, personally in your heart
it's hard not to soar with these new wings
but i do understand the weight,
for i have been left behind before
this season of love is ours
i rejoice, and set up camp, two feet on the ground

who said you had to go to an island to experience paradise?
whatever your pie, its a good time to celebrate
all i need is love and baby you got it

my tree has grown into a symbol of your ultimate support
your dedication to a hand in mine
now i bend over computer on the floor
from mis matched mattresses
just to be close to you, and cumfortable

you hear the rock bottom in my vioce
and the strength it has to grow through your love

walking away from the window
back to where a morning was shared
lie here just as you left me,
but sweatshirt on the floor
a secret was added to, and happiness made

what we share . what i feel . what we are
gives me satisfaction beyond glory
i would tell the world
if i didn't so enjoy the life in our days alone
i'm content to see you onto your day
pacience rewarded, and satisfied
i am much the same.. and soaring.

It’s a hard thing to be analyzed, especially by myself
I’m not surprised really, this second time around, to find I’m not exactly what I thought I was. Hidden by a desire to be momentary, lies the truth of my nights spent falling apart in futuristic daydreams.. pieces falling straight into the arms of my only comfort.
And yet I find strength in my insecurities. See: I’m young and still learning to set up camp in my heart, instead of getting comfortable in my mind's empty future ideas.

It's a beautiful thing that we can change.